Clarkson has ruined Sundays – Blog three.
Not so long ago Jeremy Clarkson was finally sacked by the BBC! Or should I say, ‘Not had his contract renewed’. Personally I love Clarkson, especially when he writes. However, he’s definitely a ‘Marmite’ sort of chap, so to avoid losing the 50% of readers before I’ve even got to the paragraph two, I think it’s absolutely correct that he was sacked. Any of us in any line of work would be sacked if we chinned one of our colleagues.
I love Top Gear because on a Sunday evening you can pour yourself your favourite tipple, remove the intellectual, cynical and analytical parts of your brain and just enjoy an hour of entertainment.
A few weeks ago we (The family and I) were following a Peugeot 607 down a country lane. The speed limit was 40mph, so obviously being a Peugeot driver, it did 29mph the entire time. Even going through a village when it should have slowed to around 10mph to navigate the hustle and bustle of a busy little post office, it just ploughed on at 29mph. This led to a near miss with a reversing car and a child crossing the road. Of course, when we were 300 yards past the village and the road was back to 40mph again, I was stuck behind its massive, boring, 29mph arse again!
Now, I try to never use bad swear words in front of the children. In fact it’s actually led to a considerable reduction in my swearing since Isabelle was born. But following this stupid Peugeot eventually led to me blurting out, “Oh come on knob-head. Just crash slowly in to a field so we can all get home before we die of old age”. Because the comment was thoroughly deserved and because both the dwarfs were asleep in the back, my wife didn’t tell me off.
But one of them wasn’t asleep. One of them decided to let that one sentence, from all the things I’d said that day, embed in her brain. Did she remember when I told her sixteen times to put her hand over her mouth when she sneezes? (She has a cold) No. Did she remember when I said “The ‘Clock’ on the wall bongs Isabelle, not the ‘Cock?” No. But when we were late for school the next day and the car in front (not a Peugeot this time) decided to let the entire world out of side roads and I huffed out loud, Isabelle yells from the back seat, “Oh come on Knob-head”!
I was mortified, amused and impressed all at the same time. Mortified because I had images of her repeating this phrase in class and her very nice teachers thinking we’re bad parents.
Amused because there’s something so bloody funny about a three year old in a posh tartan school dress yelling, “Oh come on knob-head”.
Impressed because she understood the context in which to say her newly learnt phrase!
Anyway, I digress. Isabelle’s ‘Knob-head’ incident was the Monday morning after the Peugeot drivers special feature that James May and ‘Jezza’ had done on Top Gear. And this is my point; It was absolutely bang on accurate! James & Jezza depicted two imbecilic, dithering, over-revving, dent-causing typical Peugeot drivers. No, it’s not PC or accurate of 100% of Peugeot drivers of course (I have owned a Pug myself in my past!), but definitely of most of them in my experience. But most of what Top Gear does isn’t PC and this is why we like it!
If you want in-depth, accurate, impartial and factual car reviews, read Autocar magazine.
If you want pure laugh out loud entertainment with a side order of cars, watch Top Gear.
Oh, and if you want something half way between the two but doesn’t achieve either, watch Fifth Gear!
So, my plea to the BBC, Jeremy Clarkson, and Oisin Tymon is: Please try to sort out the differences and don’t let Top Gear die. Men get in scuffles in restaurants and pubs up and down the country every day but quite often, if they have any brain, they make up and buy each other a pint again!
Food tip of the week:
Mash the flesh of an avocado with a dash of lemon juice and a tiny pinch of cayenne pepper, then spread it on toast. It’s awesome! Leave the cayenne out and you have ‘Dinosaur toast’ for your little ones!
Fact of the week:
A racing Greyhound hits 40mph within 6 strides of coming out of the traps!